how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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