Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
