What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
