I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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