I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
