dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize