I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
