I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
