We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
