He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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