the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
