please come you make the beer taste better
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize