Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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