He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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