Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
