It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
