If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
