i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
