I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
