Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
