so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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