a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just google imaged poop.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
