Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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