My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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