I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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