If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
