i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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