Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
