Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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