But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
