He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
