he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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