you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
