Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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