Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
