Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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