we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
