Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
