Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
