Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
