i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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