Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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