The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
