No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
