I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
