That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
