I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
