That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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