I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
