i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
