My pussy is not your playground.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
