I will die if light touches me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't deserve a penis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
