based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
