hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
