I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
