my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
