So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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