you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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