i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
