people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Im part way to drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize