he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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