out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
