I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
