I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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