so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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