I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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