She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
smell my finger.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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