he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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