I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
