someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
