dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize