ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ttyl tear gas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
