Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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