The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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