i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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