It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
