I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
