Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
