oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
this is an emotional support booty call
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
