I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize