So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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