her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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