i already hear my dad disowning me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
