8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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