My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
