thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
