ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
