I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
