So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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